Whether it's your first or fiftieth Jewish wedding—we want you to know what to expect for our special day!

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Things to know

#1. It's participatory!

Jewish weddings are all about community and you are encouraged to join in on many parts. It's considered a "mitzvah" (good deed) to "entertain" the couple and help us as newlyweds feel joyous and celebrated. The emphasis is on creating a festive atmosphere and sharing in our happiness. You do not need to be Jewish or even know exactly what you are doing to be a part of it! There will be lots of explanation, repetition, and don't be afraid to ask a neighbor (or make a friend). This is a good opportunity to experience a difference culture, but of course, only do what you are comfortable with!

Note: We will ask anyone who wants, but traditionally masc folks, to wear a kippah (Jewish skullcap/head covering) throughout the ceremonial parts of the day that we will provide when you arrive (don't worry, we've got some color options 😉).

#2. It's not like it sounds...

In our modern, queer, and non-traditional Jewish ceremony, we will use certain words and rituals that have deep religious and symbolic meaning, but that you may recognize from their other uses. When we use them, we are references their spiritual meaning only.

"Yisroel" which means the "people of Israel"— AKA the Jewish people as a whole, not the zionist nation state.
"Yerushalayim" is the Hebrew pronunciation of "Jerusalem." Jerusalem is the symbolic and historical holy place of the Jewish people and we are referencing the spirit of this concept, not the modern-day city.
"Hatan v'Kalah" means groom and bride. These are used in some of the songs, but we take them as the spiritual concept that spouses are two halves of the same "neshama" or soul, not related to the gender binary.

#3. Lots of singing

There is a lot of traditional Jewish wedding music, but here are a couple songs that we'll sing throughout the day at various points, if you want to familiarize yourself. If not, no worries! You'll pick it up, and we'll have some print outs of the lyrics.

Od Yishama (V1)

Od yishama b’arey y’hudah uvechutzot yerushalayim.
Kol sason v’kol simcha,
Kol chatan, v’kol kallah.

Od Yishama (V2)

Od yishama b’arey y’hudah uvechutzot yerushalayim.
Kol sason v’kol simcha,
Kol chatan, v’kol kallah.

Siman Tov u'Mazel Tov

Siman tov umazal tov
Umazal tov vesiman tov
Yehe lanu.

Yehe lanu, yehe lanu
Ulechol Yisrael.

The rituals

Tisch
Time to separately connect with community, L-chaim (make toasts), and sing before the ceremony begins.

When you first arrive to the wedding on Sunday, you will be directed to grab a drink (alcoholic or non) and choose either Aviva or Jayson's spot for our tisches. Traditionally, the groom is with the men who make L'chaims (toasts), sing, speak about the Torah chapter of the week, and raucously interrupt the groom as he tries to speak. Meanwhile, the bride is given quiet advice on marriage and blessings with the women... but we are not traditional! Any and all can happen at either, and all genders are welcome at both, and you can switch back and forth if you want. The Rabbi and some friends will be leading, but you are encouraged to jump on in!

Bedeken
Ritual "veiling"

After the tischs end, we will be walked and sung together by the guests and Rabbi for the bedeken, when traditionally the groom would lift the veil of the bride to make sure it's really her (Jacob and Leah anyone?), and then re-veil her before the next ritual. There are many meanings, but we are using it as a moment for us to intentionally connect and spiritually "see" each other before the chuppah ceremony. It also symbolizes veiling the surface or superficial elements of ourselves, signaling that we are marrying each other for our inner beauty, not outer. An additional interpretation is the veil can symbolize that despite the intimate union of marriage, we will retain our independence and unique identities.

Ketubah signing
Signing our spiritual marriage contract

The ketubah is the symbolic representation of our commitment to each other, and it often doubles as a gorgeous piece of art that hangs in the home after the wedding (Aviva's aunt Aimee painted ours!). We will sign it along with two witnesses.

Chuppah ceremony
Standing under the wedding canopy, our symbolic home

Besides the upcoming chair lifting during the Hora, this is probably the most well known element of a Jewish wedding and the part that most people would think of as the actual ceremony. With guests seated, we will stand under the chuppah while the Rabbi, friends, and family lead us through the marriage blessings and we share our vows. The chuppah represents the home we will build together, with the sides open to symbolize that our community is part of that home, and loved ones at the four posts, symbolizing how they "hold us up." Our chuppah is additionally special, which you'll hear more about at the ceremony! At the end, we will smash a glass to remember that even in times of great joy, we should acknowledge past and present tragedies, personal and global, and work to repair them together. As soon as we smash the glass, the guests will yell "Mazel tov!" (good luck) and sing us out.

Yichud
A private moment for the couple

Immediately after the chuppah ceremony, we will take a private moment away from the guests to connect, reflect, and be present with each other. Guests will head to cocktail hour for drinks, appetizers, and schmoozing. Don't worry, we'll be back soon!

Jewish dancing
The chair dance part!

No Jewish wedding is complete without the dancing! We will be graced with live klezmer musicians who will play Hava Nagila and other songs as we dance the Hora (a simple group circle dance) and are lifted into the air on chairs (we need our strong guests!). There are often other elements like dancing around the parents, linking arms and spinning in a circle, smaller groups dancing in circles or lines with their arms around each other, and even jumprope with a tablecloth. It's a lively and fun tradition that guests of all backgrounds can enjoy as a community. Supposedly being lifted in the chairs symbolizes how the couple is "elevated" spiritually on the wedding day... but it's also just a good time!

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